3 Magic Words To Transform Your Marriage!

Is it even possible that there are simply 3 magic words that will change your marriage?  It seems far too easy to think that 3 words could revolutionize our relationships.  We can tell you from firsthand experience it’s true! The actions attached to these magic words can transform your marriage from good to great.  From disconnected to intimate.

BONUS:  Read more about actions attached to words here! Find out about 2 words NOT to use in your marriage here.

Are you ready? Here we go!

The first two words that are magic words for your marriage are just that…the “magic words.”  Are you with me?  Think preschool.

1st Magic Word:  Please.

2nd Magic Word: Thanks.

That’s right, friends.  You heard it here first….please and thank you!

Those magic words you were taught to say throughout your childhood are also just as magical in your marriage and relationships.  Half of you are rolling your eyes, I imagine.  Hear me out, though.

We tend to treat those closest to us with the least amount of respect and honor.

It’s usually not intentional, but we can easily treat our spouse and those closest to us worse than a complete stranger.  It’s as if we assume that they “know” we love them and respect them…so we don’t make it a priority to remind them regularly or to treat them with high regard.  

We can feel unloved even with a forgotten “please” or “thank you.”

Our preschooler helped to shed some light on this for me.  We had taught him the importance of those words and reminded (hound) him to say them if he has “forgotten.”  Well, that lesson was quickly returned to us.  So, if we “forget” to say please or thank you, he still loves to remind us. 

Here’s the interesting part…we rarely forget to use those words when speaking to him.  It’s when my husband and I are speaking to each other that he reminds us of the missing words. 

We tend to drop these oh-so-important-words-we-teach-our-son when we speak to our spouse.  Ouch.

Do you know how valuable gratitude is?  When my husband looks me in the eye and says “thank you,” for something I have done for him, I can feel his gratitude.  I know that he is aware of the sacrifice or effort that was just made.  When I ask him to do something in a kind tone with a “please” attached to it, he feels respected rather than nagged.

There are a million contexts where these words can make a lasting difference in your marriage.  Consider challenging yourself for a day or even a week–think like a preschooler and use those magic words, please and thanks, to transform your marriage.

Drum roll for Magic Word #3:

3rd Magic Word: Yes.

Yes.  That means “not no.” 

Yes to everything??  Not everything, but lots of things.  

I have a theatre background and one of the three rules of Improvisation is “Always Say Yes.” 

Let me give you an example….

You are an actor in an improv (making it up completely off-the-cuff) scene with someone and they begin a pantomime scene by fighting off a dragon with a sword.  You walk onto the stage to join in the scene and completely ignore the dragon and the rather loud and obvious struggle between man and beast (said in movie announcer voice) and begin to tend to your garden peacefully, pulling weeds in a methodical manner.

What have you just done??

You said no. 

You said, no, there is not a dragon.  NO, you are not holding a sword.  You are NOT struggling as you try to slay this beast.  You don’t even EXIST.  The only person you are saying yes to is yourself. (and your ridiculous garden…who tends to a garden when there is a dragon to slay??)

Ok, enough theatrical illustrations.  I hope you see what I am getting at.  

So many times, we are caught up in what WE want to happen that we forget to say YES to the most important person in our lives.

So many times we are caught up in what WE want to happen… that we forget to say YES to the most important person in our lives.

Sometimes, we haven’t even heard them out completely before we shut them down.  We don’t even know what they are going to say and we have already decided in our mind that we will not agree to it.  If there is a deep divide between us, we may even LIKE saying no.

Consider YES. Give your spouse a chance, have an open mind, and even change your mind, for crying out loud.

 

Don’t get stuck in a rut of only doing things one way.  Perhaps you could say “yes” to something to which you have previously said “no.”

You never want to go out for Indian food, but he loves it?  Make a reservation at an Indian restaurant for your next date night.  You just said a huge YES! to your man.

She wants to do a marriage study together but you “aren’t that kind of guy?”  Order a marriage bible study on Amazon Prime and watch her squeal with delight when it lands in your mailbox and you have planned an hour over lunch for the two of you to start reading.  You just screamed YES! to your lady.

Challenge yourself this week.  Make a point of saying…

YES.PLEASE.THANKS.

Three magic words to transform your marriage.

 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

 

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