Do You Want To Be Right or Do You Want To Be Married?
So, DO YOU want to be right, OR do you want to be married? I don’t know who coined the question first. But I do know there is a clear reason it’s used so often.
We tend to be married to someone who doesn’t think exactly the same way we do. Therefore, as we walk through life together, we find ourselves disagreeing about things. Whether it’s how to hang the toilet paper or if we should change career paths, we believe we are right and our spouse is wrong. If not, we wouldn’t be arguing about it.
Could it possibly be as simple as ‘do you want to be right or do you want to be married?’
This question may cause you to roll your eyes. Possibly, you have already dismissed it as just some ‘out-of-date cliche question’ that has no tangible purpose in your life.
We believe it’s a good question to ask when you are stuck in those disagreements that last longer than they should. It’s a question that reveals the root of the problem you are experiencing: pride. When you and your spouse fall into the same cycle of arguments over and over—no matter the topic—you are both revealing your own personal pride. (Read this post for clear steps to good communication!)
When you and your spouse fall into the same cycle of arguments over and over—no matter the topic—you are both revealing your own personal pride.
You both want to be right more than you want to love your spouse.
Well, you’ve likely heard us say this before—marriage is meant to be a metaphor for how Jesus loves the church and how we are to love him in return. That love is sacrificial and unconditional. Jesus gave his life for each of us as a free gift KNOWING we were going to sin against him over and over again. He took time on this earth to understand us as human, flawed sinners. He took the time to ‘walk in our shoes’ and have compassion for us.
So, why do we insist on winning these battles with our spouse? Why are we bent on making sure they know how right we are and how wrong they are? God has called us to love them unconditionally and put their needs above our own.
What would happen if, instead of fighting to prove our point, we sought to understand and validate our spouse’s opinions? How would our disagreements change if we shifted the focus off of our need to be right and placed the focus on our desire to know our spouse fully?
This simple yet profound focus shift can alter the course of a conversation, an important decision, and even your entire life.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a loving, committed, thriving marriage?
Let’s all ask God to reveal the pride in our hearts and guide us to love our spouse the way He loves us all.
Dear God, We love because you first loved us. Your love is sacrificial and unconditional. You cover our sins with grace and mercy. Lord, would you please help us to love our spouse the way you love us. In moments of disagreement, help us to shift our focus off of our personal needs to the needs of our spouse. Give us the patience and wisdom to seek unity and peace. Help us to love without conditions. In those moments where the enemy wants to keep us separated, please give us the strength to move toward each other. Help us to love the way you love, with compassion and humility. Help us to think of our spouse above ourselves. Lord, we love you and we want our marriage to reflect your goodness and grace.
May it be so. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Side By Side guides marriages divided by infidelity to journey from hurt to hope. If you are experiencing betrayal in your marriage, please download our free eBook: Help, I Just Found Out My Spouse Is Having An Affair.