Healing Hurts in Marriage: 3 Ultimate Truths
Part 2: Humble Yourself
Are there really 3 truths that lead to healing hurts in marriage, you ask? We believe there are. We believe that these 3 ultimate truths will lead you and your spouse to create a new perspective and a new path for your marriage that will lead to hope and healing.
Our first truth for healing hurts in marriage is:
Stay in the Light.
When we are walking with God, our perspective shifts and we see things we never would have seen without Him. AND He teaches us things that our now softened hearts can handle hearing. Which leads me to the verse describing our next truth…
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves.
Ouch, right? This one always gets me. And actually, it did GET me…just when I needed it.
Through most of my young adult life, I lived as though the world and it’s inhabitants owed me something.
I don’t think I was fully aware of it, but that isn’t really an excuse.
It was all about me.
It was all about what I wanted and how I could get it…hopefully in the easiest way possible, but I was certainly willing to put up a fight if someone or something got in my way. Sometimes the louder I got about it, the more attention I got…and that somehow equated to love for me.
There were plenty of people who didn’t value me above themselves, so I was going to value ME.
Without a “stay in the light perspective,” I couldn’t see beyond my own needs and desires.
Fast forward to marriage and now I was in a partnership, ONE with another person, but I was still trying to satisfy ME.
That can only last for so long. For us, it was about 4-5 years…and it probably only lasted that long because my husband has a great desire to keep the peace in just about every situation.
When God grabbed a hold of me and helped me to see LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS, one of the first things he showed me was how selfish I was. This lesson hurt…a lot. It was painful to have the Bible reveal to me my deepest flaws. This verse in Philippians was one that felt like a punch in the gut.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Or as the New Living Translation says…
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.
The Bible was like, get over yourself, Lisa. You are not “all that.”
But God IS. And thankfully I was basking in His light enough to open my heart to a painful lesson and genuinely ask God, “HOW?”
The second half of our verse answers that question:
Rather in humility value others above yourselves.
HUMBLE. YOUR. SELF.
The definition of “humble:” having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
Again…Lisa, you are not “all that.” Check yourself. Why’s it gotta be all about you? However you want to say it…I needed to humble myself. It was important for me to see that the people around me deserve to receive my love packaged in humility. God was teaching me that I needed to love my husband with a deep desire to put his needs first over my own.
The people around me deserve to receive my love packaged in humility.
As I share in Side By Side: Our Journey From Hurt to Hope, I truly didn’t know what it meant to be humble until God revealed it to me through His Word. There’s a whole lot written on the topic humility. Greatest example of humility? Jesus. Hands down.
Jesus was my “humility model” as I worked to overcome my selfishness.
Friends, selfishness doesn’t work in marriage. It bombs. It may not do so overnight, but selfishness is not from God…it belongs in the darkness. And remember, our first truth of healing is to stay in the light! So, kick selfishness out the door and welcome in humility!
Please do not confuse selfishness with self-care. There is a marked difference between the two.
You know what’s so great? Life is SO much better and fulfilling when you follow the truth in Philippians 2:3. You see, your marriage heals when YOU heal, too.
Take some time to answer these questions….
How are you being selfish in your marriage?
In what area of your life has God been nudging you to humble yourself?
Where do you need to stop trying to impress others?
How has your need to be “right” or “better” harmed a relationship?
Just a reminder: Our 2nd Ultimate Truth to Healing Hurt in Your Marriage is:
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