Is Confession Necessary?

A Real-life Example of Whether Confession Helps or Hinders.

After months of living a double life, Dan’s wife discovered he was having an affair. In fact, he was caught red-handed. To his surprise, he was relieved to be caught. In fact, he was tired of lying and just wanted to forget about the whole thing. In this article, we are going to address whether or not a confession is necessary after infidelity.

We began guiding Dan* and his wife Sarah* shortly after his affair was discovered. Dan knew what he had done was wrong, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to answer Sarah’s questions. He was adamant they could move forward without discussing much at all. When asked if he would have confessed if Sarah hadn’t found out on her own, he quickly replied, No. He believed he would have just ended it and moved on.

I get it. I don’t know anyone who enjoys confessing their failures. It’s not especially fun to admit your mistakes or discuss the details of your sin. In fact, it’s uncomfortable at best. Confession is guilt-ridden or shame-inducing for many.

I don’t know anyone who enjoys confessing their failures.

So, is it necessary? Do we really need to confess in order to heal? Instead, can we just change course and leave the past in the past?

According to the Bible, we cannot.

THE ACT OF CONFESSION IS A VITAL PART OF THE FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION PROCESS.

Proverbs 28:13 is especially clear on this topic: He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.

Is Confession Necessary After Infidelity?

When we try to cover up our flaws—big or small—we will not prosper. The opposite of a cover-up is full exposure.

WITH COMPLETE EXPOSURE TO OUR FAILURES, WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE BONDAGE OF SIN AND SECRECY.

Have you ever kept a big secret? I have, and it was exhausting. Holding something inside myself—not able to share the burden of truth with another human soul or God Himself—was a heavy experience. Not until I confessed that secret to God in prayer (Psalm 51:4) and another human I trusted (James 5:16) did I feel the pressure release. The weight had been lifted. I experienced God’s mercy.

CONFESSION FREES US FROM THE HEAVY BURDEN OF SINFUL SECRETS.

The proverb above (Proverbs 28:13) has a two-part directive. Many people prefer to choose only one of them.

It says, “whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

Forsake means to abandon. We are supposed to abandon our sins. That makes sense, right? Don’t sin.

That’s what Dan wanted to do. He wanted to abandon his sin—leave the affair partner, not lie anymore, not commit adultery. It’s good that he desired to step away from it and toward his marriage. He believed this was all he needed to do in order to right his wrong.

However, the proverb clearly says “whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. It’s not enough to turn away from sin quietly. It requires the courage to confess.

CONFESSION REQUIRES COURAGE.

The courageous confession and turning away from our sin leads to mercy, forgiveness, and restoration.

In fact, 1 John 1:9 shows us how generous God is when we confess: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Our confession creates a clean slate. Without confession, we are carrying around the heavy burden which God is more than willing to carry for us.

Without confession, we are carrying around a heavy burden which God is more than willing to carry for us.

So, why would someone like Dan choose bondage over freedom?

Well, there are many reasons we choose not to confess. I have personally resisted confession due to fear, anger, pride, selfishness, and embarrassment…just to name a few. If we are honest with ourselves, we have a million excuses for ignoring God’s call to confession.

The unexpected “theologian,” Jay Z, once said, “You can’t heal what you won’t reveal.” What a great summation of the importance of confession. It’s true. You can’t fully heal from something you aren’t willing to lay out on the table.

I CAN’T HEAL WHAT I DON’T FULLY SURRENDER TO GOD.

It may be ugly. It may hurt your spouse who is already deeply wounded. But, hear me out, the hurt will be far worse for them if you don’t confess. In fact, sin has a way of revealing itself. If you don’t proactively confess it, that thing you prefer to keep hidden will wiggle its way out months or even years down the road.

That’s what happened to Dan and Sarah. Dan refused to confess the extent of his affair for weeks. Then, Sarah found evidence of several details about his deception. This was a devastating discovery for her which could have been avoided if Dan had confessed.

Even more, Dan showed tangible signs of carrying a heavy burden alone—depression, withdrawal, and irrational behaviors.

With a new string of lies revealed, they were back at zero. Both felt hopeless.

By the grace of God, this dark time finally got Dan’s attention.

GOD USES HARDSHIP, SUCH AS THE CONSEQUENCES OF INFIDELITY, TO GET OUR ATTENTION.

Dan began to realize that his refusal to confess had kept them shackled to his affair. He desperately wanted to be free.

So, he confessed. Everything.

For the first time in years, he felt free. He felt the weight of his burden lifted. He even experienced actual hope. Sarah could tell this was a true confession. He had revealed it all.

Dan’s confession allowed him to completely abandon his sin. God, in turn, was faithful to forgive him…and so was Sarah.

(For more on forgiveness, read this article)

IS CONFESSION NECESSARY? YES.

After all, you can’t heal what you don’t reveal.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Are you carrying any burdens that could be lifted with a courageous confession?

What is standing in the way of a needed confession in your life?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a confession? How did that feel?

ADDITIONAL BIBLE VERSES ABOUT CONFESSION ARE HERE.

Free eBook to help guide you and your spouse after the reveal of an affair.

HAVE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR? DID YOU RECENTLY FIND OUT YOUR SPOUSE HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL?

WE CAN HELP.

MORESO, WE’VE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. WE EXPERIENCED THE PAIN OF INFIDELITY IN OUR MARRIAGE. BUT, WE MADE IT THROUGH! AND YOU CAN, TOO. WE BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, AND WE’VE GOT A PROVEN STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS TO GUIDE YOU ON YOUR OWN JOURNEY FROM HURT TO HOPE.