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Managing Expectations: 7 Realistic Goals for Healing after Infidelity

Managing Expectations 7 Realistic Goals for Healing after Infidelity

Managing Expectations: 7 Realistic Goals for Healing after Infidelity

I don’t know about you, but it seemed nearly impossible to set realistic goals for healing after infidelity. After the revelation of my husband’s affair, my brain was swirling with hundreds of thoughts, and managing expectations was not top of mind. 

As I sifted through the shocking confession and subsequent discussions, my first goal was to shove it all back in the theoretical box it came from and make it all go away. Of course, this was an unrealistic goal. The truth was out and now I was desperate to find a way to heal from this traumatic experience.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to look far for a trustworthy source to guide us toward realistic goals for healing after infidelity. 

In the months prior to this discovery, I had been studying God’s Word and applying it to my life, praying for God to make a way for our broken marriage to heal. (Little did I know how much brokenness there was and how much healing it would require.)

So, even while we were struggling with confusion and despair, we looked to God’s Word (which was new to my husband!) for help. Surely, this Book which had offered me so much comfort while fighting for my marriage alone would provide steps toward healing for us as we now committed to restoring our marriage together.

Thankfully, it did.

Let’s dive in to some realistic goals for healing after infidelity grounded in biblical principles:

Forgiveness and Grace

Goal: Strive to cultivate a spirit of forgiveness and extend grace to your spouse, mirroring the forgiveness we receive from God.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Rebuilding Trust

Goal: Entrust the process of rebuilding trust to God, seeking His guidance in taking steps toward openness, honesty, and accountability.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Honest and Loving Communication

Goal: Foster an environment of open, honest, and loving communication, where both spouses can share their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:15

Individual and Mutual Growth

Goal: Embrace personal growth by turning to God for guidance and allowing Him to work in each individual’s heart. Mutual growth can strengthen the marital bond.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6

Seeking Wise Counsel

Goal: Seek guidance from a trusted Christian marriage counselor or seeking counsel from wise and mature individuals who align with biblical principles.

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers, they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22

Restoration Through Prayer

Goal: Turn to God in prayer, both individually and as a couple, seeking His guidance, strength, and restoration for the marriage.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Renewed Commitment to Christ-Centered Marriage

Goal: Anchor the marriage in Christ, recognizing that a union centered on God is stronger and more resilient. Commit to building a marriage founded on biblical principles.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

These goals are not meant to be achieved overnight but require commitment, patience, and reliance on God’s grace over time. The journey of healing after infidelity is a process, and with faith in God’s transformative power, you can move forward toward restoration and a Christ-centered, thriving marriage. If you’d like to read about our journey, pickup The Journey to Stay today.


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Side By Side guides marriages divided by infidelity to journey from hurt to hope.


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