If you’re reading this, chances are you’re grappling with the devastation of infidelity, a pain that cuts deep and leaves wounds that seem impossible to heal. We understand that pain intimately, for we too have walked that agonizing road. But amidst the wreckage,we recognized our need for a critical component to healing: accountability. Friend, we aren’t meant to journey toward healing alone. And we need help to stay on the path toward trust, forgiveness and reconciliation. In this article, we’d like to share with you the profound impact accountability can have on your journey toward recovery.
Scriptural Foundation of Accountability
In the depths of our own affair recovery, we turned to the timeless wisdom of Scripture, seeking solace and direction. The Bible is a treasure trove of guidance. Today, we will only touch on a few places in God’s word where He speaks on the power of accountability.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
Proverbs 27:17 may be one of the more well-known verses that speaks to the importance of relationship and accountability. Iron can’t sharpen itself. Yet, how often do we try to fix the problems in our lives by ourselves and with our own strength? How often do we try to sharpen ourselves? We need people to help us. In the company of faithful trusted friends, guides, and counselors, we found strength to face our weaknesses and courage to confront our failures.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
Matthew 18:15-17 offers a blueprint for reconciliation and restoration, teaching us the importance of accountability within the faith community. This short passage includes a tall order–one that many of us often prefer to ignore or step around. This passage leads us to understand that healing begins with humility and honesty, as we take responsibility for our actions and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged. This is no small task–taking responsibility for our actions and asking others for forgiveness requires more than our own strength. This is something that requires God’s power and guidance.
Following the principle of this passage has been a game-changer for us. It wasn’t easy the first few times we applied it in our lives, but over time, it’s become more and more comfortable to simply own our mistakes and look forward to opportunities where we can better understand others while offering and asking for forgiveness.
Can you believe we have only scratched the surface of God’s thoughts on accountability?
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
James 5:16
In James 5:16, we discovered the transformative power of confession and prayer, as we laid out our struggles before God and trusted in His grace to sustain us. (To be honest, the entire book of James provided endless guidance for our hurting hearts, and it does so to this day.)
It’s important to remember that we are first and foremost accountable to God. We were unfaithful to Him long before we were unfaithful in our marriages. So, our first confession and request for help is best given to Him.
During our healing, we were both very new to Christian faith, so we scoured the Bible for information and guidance, deeply desiring to know how God would have us respond. Spending time in prayer and confessing our failures to God opened the door to accountability for us.
Accountability as a Safeguard Against Relapse
One of the greatest fears in the aftermath of infidelity is the specter of relapse—the fear that despite our best efforts, we may succumb once again to temptation and betray the trust of those we love. But accountability offers a powerful antidote to this fear, providing a support network of friends and mentors who walk alongside us, offering encouragement and guidance in moments of weakness.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2
Galatians 6:1-2 reminds us of our communal responsibility to restore those who have fallen, not with judgment or condemnation, but with gentleness and compassion. In the embrace of accountability, we found the courage to face temptation head-on, knowing that we were not alone in our struggles and that there were others who believed in our capacity for change.
Fostering Growth and Spiritual Transformation
Accountability is more than just a safeguard against relapse—it is a catalyst for growth and spiritual transformation.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
Hebrews 10:24-25
Hebrews 10:24-25 exhorts us to consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, recognizing the profound impact of accountability relationships in shaping our character and deepening our faith.
In the crucible of accountability, we discovered the power of vulnerability and authenticity, as we opened our hearts to each other, trusted friends, pastors, and counselors and allowed them to speak truth into our life. Through their guidance and support, we began to see ourselves through God’s eyes—as beloved children, worthy of love and forgiveness. And as we embraced accountability, we found strength to overcome our shame and embrace a future filled with hope and possibility.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
The road to recovery from infidelity is long and arduous, marked by twists and turns that can leave us weary and disheartened. It is especially in times like this that we need to be surrounded by true friends and guides that will support and encourage us. Resist the urge to isolate or shy away from trusted advisors during this difficult time. Now is not the time to allow your pride to stop you from asking for help.
In the company of trusted friends and mentors, you will find the strength to face your weaknesses and the courage to confront your failures. Through confession and prayer, you will discover the transformative power of God’s grace, as you lay bare your struggles before Him and trust in His mercy to sustain you. And as you walk the path of recovery with accountability by your side, you will find yourself transformed—not by the pain of the past, but by the promise of a future filled with hope and redemption.
May you find the courage to embrace accountability, and may it lead you toward the healing and wholeness that you seek.
