The holiday season can be a challenging time for couples after infidelity. We understand the unique struggles you may face during Christmas celebrations since we’ve experienced them ourselves. The festive cheer can feel like a stark contrast to the pain and uncertainty in your heart. 

If you’re facing the first Christmas since the revelation of an affair or you’re in the midst of a marriage crisis, take a deep breath. Remember, there is hope and God is with you on this journey. And we’ve got some answers to your most-asked holiday questions.

In this article, we’ll explore seven common questions that often arise for couples in crisis, offering practical tips and reassuring encouragement. From handling well-meaning inquiries to finding hope in the midst of pain, let’s journey together from hurt to hope this holiday season.

How do we face the questions from well-meaning family and friends?

The inquisitive nature of Aunt Mabel or the probing inquiries from friends can be daunting. While you may not be ready to share the intimate details of your struggles, honesty and simplicity can go a long way. Gently let them know that you’re going through a challenging time and appreciate their concern. But don’t feel obligated to share more than you and your spouse are comfortable with. 

Make a ‘game plan’ in advance of gatherings. Decide together how you will respond to inquiries from family and friends. You can even choose to head off questions by letting your hosts know ahead of time that you plan to forgo any conversation about your marriage challenges in an effort to focus on the joy of the season.

Lean on God’s promise from Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

How can we celebrate when our hearts are heavy with pain?

The weight of infidelity can cast a shadow over even the brightest of celebrations. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain and allow yourself to grieve. Make room for rest, prayer, and mourning. 

Oftentimes, people feel an intense obligation to keep up with a hectic holiday schedule or participate in every Christmas tradition even though these activities can add crushing weight to an already heavy load. While at first it may seem like a good idea to do all the things, it often ends up sucking up what little energy you have to continue the healing process.

Please allow celebration to look different this year. Perhaps you can make it a year of quiet reverence rather than jovial merriness. Create moments of connection with your spouse. Give yourselves space to continue your healing journey even as you celebrate the birth of your Savior.

Find comfort in the fact that God sees your pain, as mentioned in Psalm 147:3: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Will attending holiday gatherings worsen the strain on our marriage?

The fear of heightened tension during family gatherings is understandable. Communicate openly with your spouse about your concerns and establish boundaries. Attend events together, providing mutual support. In fact, view this entire season as a team effort. 

It may seem as if holiday functions have the potential to further divide you. However, when you enter into them united, these events offer opportunities for connection, trust-building, and genuine fun as a couple.

Remember Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

How do we handle the comparison game with seemingly perfect couples?

Seeing seemingly flawless couples can intensify feelings of inadequacy. Please remember that everyone faces struggles, and appearances can be deceiving. We have yet to meet a married couple that hasn’t experienced some kind of suffering in their marriage. 

Focus on your own journey of healing and growth, knowing that God is working in your marriage. Frankly, comparison is a waste of your valuable time and limited energy. We have heard it said, “Don’t compare your insides with other people’s outsides.” Keep your eyes focused on your marriage and the God who gave it to you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 offers comfort: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

How can we navigate gift-giving with sincerity after infidelity?

Gift-giving can be a delicate matter, especially when emotions are raw. Consider gifts that reflect thoughtfulness and a commitment to rebuilding trust. It’s not about extravagant gestures but rather about the intention behind them.

Decide together how you will handle gifts this year. This might not be the year to do a big surprise, as some gifts may actually be quite triggering for one of you.  Instead, maybe this is the year you will give each other a connecting experience or even a getaway. Giving the gift of time and connection is always a good thing.

Ephesians 4:32 guides us: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

How do we balance the needs of our children during the holidays?

Children may be particularly sensitive to the tension in the air. You may be tempted to put on a fake smile and hide the pain from your kids.  Instead, be transparent with them at an age-appropriate level, assuring them of your love and commitment to their well-being. It’s ok to let them know that you and your spouse are struggling, but balance that message with reassurance of your commitment to your marriage and the family.

As we discussed in an earlier question, it’s tempting to fill your time with all the holiday activities. Your kids may be bugging you to go to this tree lighting and that ice skating party. But, hear us out–the most important gift you can give your children this Christmas is a Christ-centered, thriving marriage. 

Your children need you and your spouse to be in a healed and healthy marriage more than anything else.

Psalm 34:14 reminds us: Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Should we incorporate our faith into our holiday celebrations?

Absolutely. Honestly, how can you not? Jesus is the reason for the season. Embracing your faith during this challenging time is the way to provide a solid foundation for healing and growth. Attend church services, engage in prayer together, and reflect on the hope that Christmas represents—the birth of our Savior. 

There is hope for your marriage, because God is hope. His hope came in the form of a little baby cradled in a manger. It seems nearly impossible, yet we know it to be true. With God, all things are possible–including the restoration of your marriage.

Romans 15:13 encourages us with these words: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In the midst of this challenging season, remember that God specializes in bringing beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3). Your journey from hurt to hope is a testament to His transformative power. Lean on the everlasting arms of the God of hope.

May this Christmas be a time of healing, restoration, and a reaffirmation of your commitment to each other, guided by the hope that is found in Christ.