When an affair is discovered, there are usually plenty of emotions on both sides. For the spouse who has been betrayed, there may be shock, anger, fear, grief, confusion, and a desperate need to understand what has happened. For the spouse who has been unfaithful, there may also be an
A wife in one of our recent coaching sessions asked us something that comes up more than most people would guess. “He talks about her like he’s talking about a drug he can’t put down. Is that real, or is that just an excuse?” If you’ve asked a version of
There is a moment that almost every wayward spouse eventually faces. The affair has been exposed. The initial shock has settled just enough for difficult conversations to begin. Then another question surfaces. “Do I tell my spouse everything?” We’ve heard that question countless times over the years. Sometimes it comes
When the Future of Your Marriage Feels Uncertain “Should I stay or should I go?” Over the years, we have sat across from many husbands and wives asking that question. Some whispered it through tears. Others asked it with anger. Some assumed they should leave and simply wanted someone to
If you’ve been betrayed by your spouse, chances are you’ve asked this question more than once: Why does this hurt so much? Why does it feel so hard to breathe sometimes? Why won’t your mind slow down? Why does one small reminder suddenly bring tears, anger, or fear? Why does
If you’ve been cheated on, you likely know what it feels like for your mind to keep obsessing long after everything else has gone quiet. You replay conversations, analyze tone, and revisit moments, looking for what you may have missed or what you might still be missing. And even when
King David may be the world’s most infamous adulterer. In 2 Samuel 11 and 12, we have a front row seat to his secrecy, betrayal, deception and eventual repentance. If you are here, chances are you are not reading these chapters as a distant story. You are reading it with
Maybe you never imagined you’d be the kind of person asking this question. And yet here you are. Maybe you still care about your spouse deeply.Maybe you feel numb.Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I love them… I’m just not in love with them anymore.” You didn’t wake up one day thinking,
Recently, a hurting wife asked us a question we hear more often than people realize. “Is it normal that my husband believes he loves this woman, even though so much of this affair is completely out of character for him?” If you’ve ever asked something like that, we want you
When a couple you love is facing infidelity, your heart aches for them. Maybe you want to help, but you have no idea how. You see the pain in their eyes, the shock in their voices, the despair in their bodies. And if you’re like most friends, you wonder: What
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re grappling with the devastation of infidelity, a pain that cuts deep and leaves wounds that seem impossible to heal. We understand that pain intimately, for we too have walked that agonizing road. But amidst the wreckage,we recognized our need for a critical component
Infidelity in a marriage is a deeply painful experience, not only for the betrayed spouse but also for innocent bystanders–the children. While we didn’t have children yet when we experienced the pain of infidelity in our marriage, nearly all the couples we guide do have children. So, we understand the
In the aftermath of infidelity, the journey toward healing can feel like an endless road, filled with uncertainties and questions. “How long, O Lord?” cried the psalmist in Psalm 13, echoing the cries of our hearts as we grapple with pain and betrayal. It’s okay to ask God “how long”
I don’t know about you, but it seemed nearly impossible to set realistic goals for healing after infidelity. After the revelation of my husband’s affair, my brain was swirling with hundreds of thoughts, and managing expectations was not top of mind. As I sifted through the shocking confession and subsequent
When it comes to affair recovery, everyone’s got an opinion and there are 5 myths that come up frequently as we care for marriages divided by infidelity. During our own healing process, we had at least one person or resource spouting these 5 myths as truth. However, as a healed
Overcoming anger after the discovery of an affair is a topic frequently discussed with the couples we guide. The aftermath of infidelity often brings forth a myriad of emotions, and anger can be one of the most challenging to confront. When my husband’s affair was revealed, anger was my primary
Rebuilding trust and intimacy after infidelity is a challenging journey, but it’s crucial for couples committed to reconciliation. Trust is a necessary building block for a strong, healthy marriage. In our book, The Journey to Stay, we explore several practical actions that help to build trust in a marriage divided
I was overwhelmed by my guilt and shame after revealing my affair to my wife. At times, I thought I would never get out from under the weight of the huge mistake I had made. Especially in the beginning of our healing, I wondered if I would be tainted by
Surviving infidelity is not something anyone wants to have to do in their lifetime. Enduring the pain of betrayal is something we all prefer to avoid completely. No one stands at the altar on their wedding day expecting to one day walk into affair recovery. Yet, statistics show us that
The holiday season can be a challenging time for couples after infidelity. We understand the unique struggles you may face during Christmas celebrations since we’ve experienced them ourselves. The festive cheer can feel like a stark contrast to the pain and uncertainty in your heart. If you’re facing the first
Do you know if your smartphone is hurting your marriage? In today’s fast-paced world, where smartphones have become an integral part of our lives, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the impact these devices can have on our most cherished relationships. As people who value the sanctity of marriage
Are you ever tempted to cheat on your spouse? I’m pretty sure we all know that infidelity is never a good idea, but sometimes the temptation can be overwhelming. You may not even see it as temptation until you’re in the danger zone. If you’re starting to feel like straying
Have you ever had suspicions that your partner may be having an affair? Or have you found yourself drawn to someone who is not your significant other? Infidelity is a sensitive topic that most people prefer to avoid. But, knowing more about it can help both those who have experienced
When faced with a challenge, is it possible a hard stop can be your best start? Could the pause be the answer? I stood completely still, nearly frozen in place, feet glued to the floor. My eyes were wide, staring into the unknown, while my tensed arms, bent at the
A Real-life Example of Whether Confession Helps or Hinders. After months of living a double life, Dan’s wife discovered he was having an affair. In fact, he was caught red-handed. To his surprise, he was relieved to be caught. In fact, he was tired of lying and just wanted to
A brand-new year is typically an opportunity for a fresh start. Most people look forward to cleaning the slate and making a fresh start with new goals and plans for the future. But, what about those of us whose past year included broken trust, betrayal, and infidelity? Is it even
The question of whether or not pornography use is cheating on a spouse has been debated for years. When serving marriages divided by infidelity, we are asked this question frequently: Is porn cheating? Our aim in writing this article is to give you our answer, the reason for it, and
Have you ever received an apology from someone who hurt you that just didn’t feel like enough? Has anyone ever said to you, “I said I’m sorry! Isn’t that enough for you?” and it wasn’t? We are going to look at the five elements that make up a quality apology
One of the most frequent questions we are asked by couples divided by infidelity is this: How are we ever going to trust again? Then, the spouse who has been betrayed will ask for very specific trust-building items for their partner to do. The spouse who had the affair will
You’ve probably heard this statement several times. ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater.’ But is it true? Today, I am going to give you our thoughts on this statement, and it might not be what you expect. Infidelity nearly broke us, and now we have dedicated our lives to serving
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between infidelity and adultery? There are all kinds of words used to describe unfaithfulness in marriage, many of which I prefer not to repeat. The words we receive the most questions about are ‘infidelity’ and ‘adultery.’ QUESTIONS WE RECEIVE: Is there a
Comforting The One That Hurt You. Even after several years, I still can’t believe I was the one most capable of comforting the very person who hurt me most. If I didn’t live it, I would have a hard time believing it. However, I did live it. Very much so.
A Guest Post by Steve, One Who Knows. Are drastic measures really necessary for building trust after the affair? Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Yes. Standing in line at Panera, I snapped a photo on my phone and texted it to my wife. She responded immediately. “Thank you.” A feeling
A Post from Steve, One Who Knows. Why is it so hard to end an affair?This blog post is written to the spouse who had the affair. It’s out in the open now, you’ve said you want to work on your marriage, and you can’t understand why it’s so hard
You may be saying to yourself, “How can I ever forgive?” Love, the antidote to unforgiveness, is the furthest thing from your mind. You might be in a situation that seems unforgivable. You may have experienced something so heinous, no one would ever expect you to forgive. The hurt may
These Are The Ones. Have you wondered how one finds hope for a hurting marriage? I walked out of the auditorium doors just as one of our Easter services ended. Throngs of people streamed out shortly thereafter, with my husband just behind them. This was the third of five Easter
Every year we add to our marriage is celebrated as if we climbed Mt. Everest!
I give up. I can’t do this anymore. I am done. Have you ever said any of those words? Or words similar? Life is hard and it sometimes presents us with situations that seem impossible. Completely impossible. They are the kind of situations where you look at it from the
